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Vertical”,”id”:”e31b361a7a48a1526e5217b8b3f8b405″,”slug”:”this-new-world”,”name”:”This New World”,”description”:”The current capitalist system is broken. Horizontal”,”id”:”e31b361a7a48a1526e5217b8b3f8b405″,”slug”:”this-new-world”,”name”:”This New World”,”description”:”The current capitalist system is broken. 31b361a7a48a1526e5217b8b3f8b405″,”slug”:”this-new-world”,”name”:”This New World”,”description”:”The current capitalist system is broken. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. As a child of the Internet and confirmed weirdo, imagine my relief when they finally took that last bastion of in-person awkwardness — dating — to my laptop instead.
I got the feeling that a lot of men on that site would message literally any woman who had a profile, but the optimist in me wanted to believe that there was a limit. Maybe there was a woman so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikeable that no one would message her, or if they did, at least they would realize they never, ever wanted to meet her. I did not accomplish my goal. The Profile In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant, and I threw in a little gold digging just for funzies. My wonderful friend Rae agreed to let me use some of her Facebook photos for this profile.
Only that last bit is relevant here, I guess. The Messages I figured any profile with photos of a beautiful woman would get a few messages from men whose boners were willing to overlook her personality. She got 150 messages in 24 hours. OK, I thought, pouring myself a stiff drink as I prepared to sift through these messages from actual, living men with functioning central nervous systems. Maybe none of them read her profile, or maybe they thought that she was fun-crazy instead of actually-ruin-your-life crazy. I just had to convince them that she was the latter. My new goal was to get these men to stop messaging her back.
Want to guess how well that worked? I’ll give you a hint: I’m confiscating everyone’s penis until further notice. 1: Be Unforgivably Awful In trying to convince these men that they’re better than this, my first strategy was to just say horrible shit. These messages are natural extensions of her profile, confirmation that you do not, I repeat, do not want to know this woman. It was not as successful as I hoped it would be. 2: She Will Ruin Your Life OK, I get it.